Becoming a new mom is a life-changing experience, and when that journey involves not just one, but two bundles of joy, the adventure takes on a whole new dimension. As a mom who recently embraced the world of twin parenting, I’ve learned some invaluable lessons that I wish I had known beforehand. Here are the top 10 things I wish I knew before having twins.
While the idea of having twins is undeniably heartwarming, it’s essential to recognize that caring for two babies simultaneously is a tremendous task. From feeding and diaper changes to soothing and bedtime routines, everything is multiplied by two. This seems super self-explanatory, but in the literal sense, you will have two babies with sometimes identical needs. That might mean letting one twin fuss it out for a few minutes or holding a bottle with your foot—whatever way you manage (and you will manage!) is fine. You are a good mom.
Establishing a Routine is a Lifesaver
One of the first lessons I learned was the importance of creating a solid routine. Having a predictable schedule not only helps with managing time but also contributes to a sense of order amidst the chaos. Routines are amazing, and you may face some backlash from people who want your or your children’s time and attention at a moment when their needs need to be met. It is okay to stick to your guns and okay to let things shift as needed.
Accepting Help is Okay (You're going to need it.)
There’s no shame in seeking help. Whether it’s from your partner, family members, or friends, having an extra set of hands can make a world of difference during those overwhelming moments. As a mom of currently two-year-old twins, I accept help from strangers in parking lots and convenience stores, and I do not care. Help is help, and I’ll gladly take it. Keep in mind that no one is asking if you need help because they don’t want to help. They do! Give them the satisfaction of lending a helping hand that day and keep your train rollin’!
Self-Care is Non-Negotiable
Amidst the whirlwind of twin parenting, it’s easy to forget about self-care. But remember, taking care of yourself is crucial for being able to care for your babies effectively. Take breaks, even if they’re short, and prioritize your well-being. There are all kinds of self-care. Telling your toddler that you need space is a form of self-care. Walking away, as long as your baby is safe, is self-care. Putting on clean underwear before bed is self-care. Asking for help is self-care! Whatever works for you and your life.
Every Twin is Unique
Just like any siblings, twins are individuals with their own personalities and needs. Don’t assume that they’ll be the same in every way. Get to know each baby’s preferences and quirks. Understand that, especially in the case of identical twins, their identities are tangled up together and encouraging them to branch out on their own as they get older is just as good as encouraging their amazing bond.
Sleep Deprivation is Real
Sleep deprivation is a universal parenting struggle, but with twins, it can be even more intense. Finding strategies to maximize sleep, such as synchronized sleeping schedules, can help you cope better. You just might start falling asleep in situations and times that you normally wouldn’t. You might never finish an episode of a TV show again. You may become the world’s lightest sleeper. You might hate how well your husband sleeps every night. Your brain will probably feel like cottage cheese, and your eyes will ache. It is not forever. They will sleep. And so will you.
Embrace the Mess (It is inevitable.)
Twins can create twice the mess, and it’s okay. Accept that spills, diaper blowouts, and chaos are part of the journey. Prioritize cleaning up when needed, but don’t let the pursuit of perfection consume you. I’m a huge fan of a lived-in home. My kids live here and thus are making all the messes kids make. I’m not a perfect nor very dedicated housekeeper, so I do my best, and the rest will get better in time. There won’t always be blocks to step on or old sippy cups to dig out from under the couch.
Cherish the Little Moments
Amidst the challenges, don’t forget to savor the precious moments. Watching your twins interact, laugh, and grow together is an incredibly rewarding experience that makes every struggle worthwhile. You just made, birthed, and have kept alive two tiny, dependent fat balls, and gosh, do they love you. Savor that every once in a while.
Be Prepared to Feel Like You're A Walking Zoo
You will absolutely be treated as a walking spectacle when out in public with your twins. You’ll get a thousand and one identical questions every single time. You get to decide how you deal with that. Perfect strangers will try to talk to and touch your babies. I’ve had to put the moves on a few old ladies when my boys were small, and you might have to as well. Just be prepared for curious bystanders and the occasional very personal and/or rude question. You won’t ever be able to shop in peace with your kids again, but it is hard to blame them when you have a superpower like growing two adorable babes at the same time.
Your People are Out There
It’s hard enough to make mom friends when you aren’t carting around a minimum of two infants. I find that some families find mine intimidating. I don’t often have time to conduct myself the way I would love to if I had only one child to lavish my attention on, and that’s okay. We’re surviving. I have made wonderful friends through Facebook groups and online forums that have made me feel like I have a community of mamas who actually get what I’m talking about. Your singleton mama friends will not understand, and they may even get on your nerves at times, but your people are out there! Don’t be afraid to get in touch and reach out. We are here for you!
Conclusion and Encouragement
Welcoming twins into the world is a remarkable journey filled with ups and downs. While there’s no perfect guide to twin parenting, these 10 lessons can provide valuable insights for new moms embarking on this extraordinary adventure. Remember, the love you give and the memories you create with your twins will undoubtedly make this journey one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. It will be the hardest, most heartbreaking, life-giving, downright overwhelming, beautiful journey you will ever embark on, and it will be worth it. Promise.
References and Resources
- Murkoff, H. (2024). What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Workman Publishing Company. Available on Amazon.
- Weissbluth, M. (2021). Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child: A Step-by-Step Program for a Good Night’s Sleep. Ballantine Books. Available on Amazon.
- Sears, W., & Sears, M. (2005). The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night’s Rest for the Whole Family. Little, Brown and Company. Available on Amazon.
- American Academy of Pediatrics. (2013). Sleep: What Every Parent Needs to Know. American Academy of Pediatrics. Available on Amazon.
- Pantley, E. (2002). The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night. McGraw-Hill. Available on Amazon.
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